Affluent White People: Now with 1/3 More Excellence

This young man, let’s call him Chad, graduated in the top 1/3 of his class at Shore Country Day, ergo he would make an outstanding teacher.

Reader: no doubt you are aware by now that affluent white people do just about everything a little better than you and I. It’s called panache, and like special diets and yoga passions, this better-ness, otherwise known as excellence, is something that comes naturally to our well-to-do white friends. Now, in addition to all of the things this elite corp already excels at—field hockey, recycling, wealth management—we can add another: teaching. It turns out that affluent white people make the most excellent teachers. Continue reading

In Turnaround Town, the News is Always Good

In Turnaround Town, aka Lawrence, MA, the news is always good—or so says the official edu-media plan, which you can savor for yourself below.

Reader: today we pay a return visit a place that I like to call simply ‘Turnaround Town.’ Perhaps you know this city by its other name: Lawrence, Massachusetts. When we last dropped in, state officials had just conducted an exhaustive investigation, concluding that the problems of the city’s schools lay in its leaders: bad, worse, corrupt, in jail, even more corrupt, or just indifferent. Then tragedy struck: a software glitch at the state Department of Education caused the word “leader” to be auto corrected into “teacher,” and the official Lawrence Turnaround™ plan was born. Continue reading

What’s a Little Edu-Fraud Between Friends?

What a murky transaction between Massachusetts charter operators says about a little problem called ‘edu-fraud.’

When leaders of a troubled charter school in Gloucester, MA needed emergency funds, they went to prominent charter advocate Diana Lam, who was happy to oblige—for a hefty fee.

We already know that charter schools are outstanding at achievement gap narrowing, test score soaring and expectations raising. But there’s a little something else that charters turn out to be exceptionally good at: taxpayer fleecing. You see, it turns out that when all of those innovation-stifling regulations are lifted, charter operators behave just like their colleagues in other scrutiny free zones—they lie, cheat and steal. A reporter in Arizona recently turned up staggering levels of charter school corruption in that state, including $70 million worth of contracts awarded by charter operators to friends and family members. And that was just in the nonprofit charter schools—records of for-profit schools aren’t publicly available. Continue reading

Now on Sale at Walmart, Education Rephorm

Walmart is leading the effort to give low-income Americans more ¢hoi¢e in education, while insuring that they remain low income.

It is a well known fact that students who attend our union-stifled public schools are ill prepared for their future careers—at Walmart. That is why Walmart is leading the effort to fix our failing schools by introducing some much needed competition into the public education monopoly. Much like shoppers at Walmart have a choice of many different Chinese-made goods, education consumers will soon have a veritable all-you-can-eat buffet of edu-choices. All this is thanks to the efforts of the Walton Family Foundation, which has plunked down a cool $1 billion worth of Walmart profits to transphorm public education. Continue reading

From Michigan, Rephorm Turducken

Reader: an idea for how to rescue our union-stifled public schools is generated roughly every 3.5 seconds. Most of these are almost nonsensically bad. Still, there is a category of edu-idea so catastrophically ill-informed, so stuffed with rephorminess and drenched with what the French call sauce privatisation that it deserves our special attention today. I give you rephorm turducken. Continue reading