The Great Big Lovin’ Walheart

The Walton family hearts America’s poor kids. Their parents? Not so much.

walheartWhen we last paid a call on our good friends the Waltons, we found them in a fine, beneficent fettle indeed. Armed with Walmart profits equivalent to the wealth of the bottom 42% of American families combined, the Waltons felt moved to wrap their arms around the nation’s burgeoning population of low-income children and hug them into college readiness and 21st century success. And I’ve got great, heartwarming news, reader. As this New York Times feature reveals, the Waltons’ great big lovin’ Walheart beats stronger than ever—and there is nary an education reform group nor a charter school that is not ententacled in the family’s tender embrace. Continue reading →

The Looming Excellence Emergency

Will the education reform movement exhaust the word “excellence” before the achievement gap is *crushed*?

Imagine a world without excellence. Experts say that with the education reform movement on schedule to exhaust the superlative as soon as 2016, an excellence-deprived future is a near guarantee. The problem, say excellence experts, is that a vast pool of corporate money has produced an excellence bubble as new groups rush to cash in on the fierce urgency of the moment. Experts say that a new education reform group is formed in the United States every 37 seconds, and that four in five of these groups are steeped in some variety of excellence. Continue reading →

Great EXpectations

Will the heaviest hitter of all lend His support to the civil rights i$$ue of our time?

Reader: there are already plenty of marquee names involved in the crusade to *crush* the achievement gap. But thus far the biggest name of all has yet to weigh in upon the civil rights i$$ue of our time. I am talking, of course, about the Big Guy, the Man Upstairs, Sky Daddy, Him… Thankfully, thanks to the efforts of a former Teacher for America, that may be about to change. Let’s learn more, shall we? Continue reading →

Now on Sale at Walmart, Education Rephorm

Walmart is leading the effort to give low-income Americans more ¢hoi¢e in education, while insuring that they remain low income.

It is a well known fact that students who attend our union-stifled public schools are ill prepared for their future careers—at Walmart. That is why Walmart is leading the effort to fix our failing schools by introducing some much needed competition into the public education monopoly. Much like shoppers at Walmart have a choice of many different Chinese-made goods, education consumers will soon have a veritable all-you-can-eat buffet of edu-choices. All this is thanks to the efforts of the Walton Family Foundation, which has plunked down a cool $1 billion worth of Walmart profits to transphorm public education. Continue reading →

Is Education Rephorm Phever Hereditary?

There is growing evidence that rephorm phever may be genetic.

Reader: the rich are different from you and me. For starters they REALLY want to bring freshness and innovation to the public schools they didn’t attend—and they have the dough to realize their dream of a world in which every minority child will be taught by a young white teacher traverse the achievement gap with panache.

But it turns out that the species known as homo job creator-us may be handing down more than trust funds and horsemanship to their offspring. Like a Habsburg chin, a passion for education rephorm can also be passed from generation to generation. Continue reading →